By Marla Lowder

If any of you follow me, this is my favorite time of the year, as it holds so many memories. As we get older, I feel we learn more about ourselves and our families. For me, it has always been about the traditions that my parents shared. My parents have both passed on, and, although I think of them often throughout the year, it is at this time I pull them close. They taught me the joy of giving and service to others. They shared things that they were taught by their parents, which have become the traditions I now carry on.

I am the youngest of 11, and over the years since my parents have gone, I have come to the point where time spent with my siblings is more important than any gift they could give me. I love them all equally and cherish the memories we make. It breaks my heart to see siblings fight and not want to work things out.

When your parents are gone, siblings are all you have and can rely on. Now don’t get me wrong, our family fights, but we work it out. We were taught as kids to never go to bed mad. It is true — you will sleep better and wake up happier. I am not an expert, but if you can get your kids to do this it will draw them closer and help them to rely on each other when they are older and you’re not around.

I was raised in Idaho, and all my siblings live between Idaho, Utah and Colorado. It is fairly easy for them to get together for reunions and such, but a little more challenging for me living here in Alaska. I try and get to what I can but cannot always make it. So I make the extra effort to keep in touch all year long. Now, I have certain siblings that I talk to more often, several times a week, and others a couple of times a year, but I talk to them.

Here are things I do to keep them close to me:

I make phone calls or FaceTime them — nothing is more important than hearing someone else’s voice and knowing they care. I make sure to call them around Christmas and on their birthdays.

I send birthday cards — my parents used to send us all a birthday card, so I thought it was important to keep that going when my dad passed. I always put a personal note in it, too.

Listen to your gut, and if you feel you need to do something for them, do it. It may be a drop in, a phone call, a quick text. More often than not, you will find out they need it.

Spend time with them. I asked my sister what she wanted for Christmas a year ago, and she said she wanted time. You see, we had just lost a sister-in-law, and we are not getting younger. So, we planned a trip together because when we both go someplace that is not our home, then we can truly spend time together and not think of what we need to do that day. If you are lucky enough to live in the same town, think about going on a picnic or having a game night.

If you want to give a gift, make it. Use a talent you have to show them you care. Paint a picture, take a photo and have it framed. Last year, I made a small wood project and painted it. The personal touch always means so much more.

These are just a few things I do. You need to figure out what to do to help your family stay closer. What your kids see you do with your siblings will help them to keep relationships with theirs. Plus, it will help them to build those relationships now so when they are adults they will be close, and when you’re gone they will have each other. My family means the world to me, and I hope yours does, too.

I wish a happy holiday to you and yours.

4-H is a youth organization for youth K-12 that helps youth learn about certain items of interest to them, but also teaches them life skills. 4-H has a club structure with leaders who are adult volunteers with current background checks. To learn more about the local program, contact Marla Lowder, Tanana District 4-H agent, at 907-474-2427. You can also check out our web page at www.alaska4h.org/fairbankstanana-district.html. 4-H is a part of the Cooperative Extension Service of the University of Alaska Fairbanks.